3 Aussies and a tub of Mayo
by dontwearbacon
Summary: With the aid of Hutt and Wy Australia sets off to steal particular condiments for quick cash, based off of the actual crime. Written as a joke.


Australia sat in his car, a few blocks ahead was refriderated warehouse. Turning around to face the two micronations in the backseats, Hutt River was inspecting his nails for dirt and Wy sat with her arms folded.

"Why are we even doing this?" Wy asked grumpily, she was a country in the making! She hadn't the time for some stupid mission. "And why do we need this?" She gestured to the tool box sandwiched between her and her Senior.

"I already we were gonna break in, we need the tools to disable security cameras. Now mates, any other questions?"

"Just one," Hutt River said. "Why do I have to sit in the back?" When they first started driving Hutt got to ride shotgun (much to Wy's jeolousy) but was exiled to the back seat after trying to play annoying music on the radio, the boy should be well aware why he has to sit in the back.

The plan was simple enough, Wy uses her crocidile tears to distract the security gaurds while Hutt disables the cameras meanwhile Australia makes a break for it in the storage rooms to grab the goods; this warehouse almost exclusivly harbors copious amounts of mayonnaise. Now, they weren't going to steal it just to steal it there was a very valid reason behind the ordeal:money. The Aussie was going to sell it to a wealthy country who already had set up a meeting place, all he had to do was get the condiment.

Pulling up closer to the facility Australia parked again looking at Wy through the rearveiw mirror.

"Time to put on your best lost-little-kid face, mate." Wy thought about all the things that made her want to cry, like dead kittens or the stupidity of those simplitons she hung out with and forced the tears forward. Getting out of the car and giving a thumbs up she ran to the warehouse.

From the distance the plan seemed to work! The security gaurd turned away from his post to try and comfort the young girl. Queitly Hutt reached for the tool kit accidently knocked a wrench out, reaching down to pick it up he noted an odd scent of maple syrup,odd. The two slyly got out of the car doing their best not to be seen. Darting behind the security booth Hutt disconnected the cameras while Australia snuck in.

"Crikey," Australia whispered once inside. Walking around he came to a door that read "STORAGE" which an old looking lock lathced on. Trying the door, the lock held strong.

"Alright mate, ye wanna go?" Taking a few steps back bouncing around like a kangaroo with his fists out he ran shoulder first into the door knocking it open...and falling onto the cold hard floor with a thud. Being a nation meant he would heal a lot faster than a human would but he would be sore all night long, shaking it off he looked around. Considering the size of the tubs they had to hold twenty something kilos each( he was close, the Aussie realized, they actually were twenty one). Thinking about the size of his car, Australia could probably only get two out without being caught. Pushing a tub with his non-sore half to the fire exit. Repeating the action with a second tub the Aussie took a closer look at the alarm. The omnipresent koloa on his back scampered closer to pull of the plastic covering and chew through the wires.

"I didn't know you disabled alarms, ain't that a treat!" With much releif nothing happened when he opened the door. Taking the tubs outside and closing the door he took his phone and texted Hutt that it was his queue. A couple minutes passed before the car rolled up, Hutt at the wheel and Wy in shotgun.

"Move to the back will ya?"

"We got the car, we get to drive." Hutt said snidely.

"Yeah, sit in the back and make sure the mayonnaise doesn't spoil." Wy added. Groaning Australia hefted the tubs into the backseat and climbed in next to them. Once on the road again Hutt tried to play the song that got him riding in the back seat, only to be stopped by Australia.

"How did you two get out anyways?"

"When I got your message I snuck away then came back claiming I was her brother, he'd buy anything just to be given a break." Victory was their's. Aussies: 1 that security gaurd: 0.

The next day.

Australia had left Hutt and Wy behind that day (they only agreed in the first place because he promised to buy them Golden Gaytimes). THe person he was meeting told him to come to a desolate road. The tubs of mayonnaise were kept in a cooler in his trunk, which would soon be replace with money. Looking around no one else was there except for some kangaroos. Soon a car rolled up and a man stepped out. Getting a good look at him Australia could clearly tell the normally expresionless Norway was loathing the heat.

"You have the money"

"Yup." Norway held up a bag. "Do you have what I asked?"

"The mayonnaise is in the trunk." Australia said confidently.

"Mayonnaise? I said I had a butter shortage."

"What? The memo said you wanted to buy mayo."

"No, I distinctly recall saying I wanted to buy butter."

"Well shit."

In the end Australia invited every country he knew to a bring-your-own-potato potato salad party that was questioned by the cops four times. 


End file.
